wakey wakey hands off snakey
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
