Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
