What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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