shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
