My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
