apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
