What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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