Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
