My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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