ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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