What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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