Please, let me fuck your mom
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
