his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Im part way to drunk.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
