hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
