what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
