hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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