I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
