why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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