I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just want to make out with him forever
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
