Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
