she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
