i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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