the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
