True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
