phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
