All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
