Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
