i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dick very happy bro
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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