I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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