My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
