It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
