So drunk its hurt
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
