i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
