So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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