Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
