i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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