problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
