look no pants
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I FOUND THE LEGS
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
