so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
