I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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