I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
God I need to hump something, right now.
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