I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
