We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
