i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
