So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
