brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
