like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
