sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
