I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
