there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
