This girl is more easily done than said...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
