I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
