Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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